| Tuesday |
[Apr. 10th, 2007|10:17 pm] |
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Well the dance is back on. This time its a much faster, and livelier tempo. You tricked me tonight on collarme Sir. That is not fair, however, i will honour my pledge. You will get me thursday night. |
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| Monday |
[Apr. 9th, 2007|06:44 pm] |
Well i am home from work and have had a nap. And i am patently waiting for Sir's decisssion, either way, i will respect it. Should He decide that He does not wish to see me again, so be it, i will back out gracefully. All though i do wish this to work, it has been going on for too long. In other words, we have to shit or get off the pot. IF we do get together i will take off my b.com profile and my collar me profile. i feel they are just ways of getting into trouble. And belive me, more trouble with Him i do NOT need. lol.
i have thought about Him a lot today, i just wish He would make up His mind and decide what to do. *sigh* i just don't want this to drag on for too long. |
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| Home from work |
[Apr. 8th, 2007|04:01 pm] |
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Well i am home from work. i checked yahoo and no msg...;( oh well. i then checked my collarme.com site...i have officially reached 400 e mails. yet none of them egnite that spark inside of me. i have spoke to sooooo many Doms that i have no idea who is who. And i really don't care too much. i think the one reason i do go there so much is i like the attention. i like the idea that there are people out there that do want me. yet, i just can't take the plundge myself. |
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| off to work i go. |
[Apr. 8th, 2007|06:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Well it easter sunday and off to work i go. grrrrrrr, sometimes i wish i could just urn my alarm off and stay home. i am tierd as all heck and just not in the mood to work. hummm why cant i win the lotto? lol. Boy do i wish Management could have sick days. |
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| Sat. Night. |
[Apr. 7th, 2007|08:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
i spoke to G, and i am glad i did, even if He doesn't speak to me again i will know that i have apologized and asked for His forgiveness. Why does this Man have such a hold on me???? Why can't i just move on, find someone else???? Why does He haunt me.??? i don't know...
i had a nice quiet sat. night, i have been working on my new corset, and, it looks hot. |
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| friday night. |
[Apr. 6th, 2007|11:25 pm] |
Well, its friday night and i have send you an apology on yahoo. i don't know if i will hear from You again or not. But i have to come to terms that i did sabatoge the meeting the other night, now i just have to figure out why i did it......
i have some trust issues, i will admit that. i just hate being hurt, or disapointed, and it seems like every male i have met in this lifestyle that calls himself a Dom or a Master has hurt me in one way or another. So from what i can figure is i pushed You because i figured i would do it to You before You did it to me. So for that i am sorry. And i dont blame You for not speaking to me again.
you have always been my darkest fantasy, for i know that if we ever were to be together we would feed off eachothers energy, we would take one another to places we should and shouldn't go. Maybe i am just not ready for the reality of that. Whatever the reason, i guess for me right now it is valid. |
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| oops i did it again. |
[Apr. 5th, 2007|12:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
Well, another meeting that is cancelled, and i have to admit, i think this one is my own fault, i have spend hours thinking about this and have come to the conclusion that i pushed You till You pushed back. Something that i am pretty good at with You. i want You yet there is a part of me that will do almost anything to push You as far away from me as possible. i don't know why that is....i know You will probably never get this post, but, i just had to vent out some things and thought this would be a wonderful way of doing so.
So, i am sorry for what i did, would i act differently if i had a chance to do it all over again??? i don't know.
i hope life treats You well and You are successfull in all that You do and touch.
slvlinda. |
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| things that make me go "ahhhhh yessss" |
[Apr. 4th, 2007|09:48 pm] |
The things i fantasize about are MANY. Sometimes even i think i am sick to be thinking of some of those things. i have no idea why, but one of my major fantasies is to be fisted. If it is a vidio i am watching and a fisting scene comes up, i am 100% guarenteed to be playing with myself. For some reason i don't get the same reaction watching two women fisting as i do when i see a man fist a woman. It must have to do with a size thing. VERY VERY erotic. Some think this is not "that" kinky, yet to this day, i have never done it. Don't even know if it could be done to me. But BOY is it HOT.
Another thing i fantasize about is having my Master make me fuck a dog. In my fantasy it is something that i resist doing, i am afraid and almost crying. my Master orders me to do it. He helps me kneel down, and then helps the dog mount me, He even guids the dog's penis into me. Yet as i am doing it, i am getting so into it. i have orgasm after orgasm. i turn into this sex vixen that even my own Master doesn't recognize. Another part of the fantasy is that He makes me do it in a room full of people. As these people watch, He makes me suck the dog in order to get him hard. i don't know if this fantasy would ever come true, i don't know if i could ever be up to such humiliation. BUT it is a fantasy that i masterbate to. and find very HOT.....
i have fantasies of my Master setting up a rape scene. One where i am abducted by Him, tortured, and then fucked very hard. While having this fantasy i also always imagine it starting out somewhere public, the eliment of getting caught is a turn on for me.
These are fantasies, wonderful wonderful fantasies. They are not "wrong" or "bad" in my eyes. i share them with You because i want to start trusting You, i want to experience things with You that we both will enjoy. One day i would LOVE to hear Your fantasies.
xox |
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| He is home. |
[Apr. 4th, 2007|06:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
Well You are home. nice to see You on yahoo again. i did miss You, and i am afraid of that. i don't know why i have this feeling that You are not serious about all of this. i do hope i am wrong. If i do submit to You i will close down my bondage, and my collar me act. Or just make them inactive.
i keep getting conflicting signals when it comes to Him. Part of me wants to drop to my knees and beg for His collar. Yet realistically i know that it needs time. Its just this has been going on for so long without taking any steps forward. Either we are going to do this. or we say goodbye. I want to know what it is like to be owned by You. i want to feel Your whip, Your touch, Your cock on a regular basis. i want to hear You more....i guess what i am saying is that i do crave You. And every time i let my guard down a little when it comes to You, the feeling grows stronger and stronger.
i am a slave and i crave direction. i need a Master that will be in my life on a daily basis, not one that micro manages me, but one that needs me as much as i need Him. (not just sexually). i need to know that i can satisfy Him and that He needs me to satisfy Him, it is a hunger and a strong desire for both to give and recieve each others power.
i am so excited about meeting You tomorrow. Not just sexually, but just to touch You, to see You. Why do You have this power over me? i have tried and tried to forget about You, with no luck it seems. OR just when i am starting to forget about You, You end up msging me on Yahoo and this roller coaster starts all over again. But, it seems that just when we get to the top of the first hill, something happens and we roll right back to the beginning. i don't want to roll anymore.
This will be an interesting visit, i look forward to sexually teasing You and to submitting to You.
xox |
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| here we are again |
[Apr. 2nd, 2007|10:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
Well look at this..Once again i am in this journal writting to You Sir. Its funny really. i can't get rid of this journal. i have always kept the password and the user name. i am glad i did. We are going to meet again for the first time in a year this thursday. i am very excited about it. i am looking forward to seeing You and hearing Your voice whispering in my ear once again. Things have not worked too well for us Sir in the last while, and i really do hope we can change that. i want to kneel before You, i want to be Your submissive. i guess now we just need time to prove that.
Well, lets see what the next little while will bring us. |
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| the last couple of days |
[Jan. 23rd, 2007|10:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
Boy oh bo, its been a hard couple of days. i am having some problems with my daughter that are just killing me. She is not beeing bad or anything, she is not happy with being at her dads anymore. It has to do with his girl friend. Well she has decided that she wants to move back in with me. i LOVE the idea cuz i love her so much, but, she wants me to call him and tell him. i guess be the bearer of bad new. So i have, and like i thought he is not taking it too well. So i am back to hearing his b.s Good news is that Loni is old enough to decide where and who she wants to be with. So i am dealing with His preassure, with her sadness and with my getting use to the fact that i will have her home with me. She may as well be with me since i have had her for all holidays and every weekend for a while now. i am just glad she is at the age where she can take care of herself if i choose to go out.
Today i worked till about 3, i came home and had a wee nap, i then made dinner and then went out to my sisters. alwas love going to see her. All and all its been a ho hum kind of day. wishi was there with You tonight. i could use a hug and just someone to cuddle with.
Well i am off for the nght, good night Sir.
xoxo |
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| another day at work |
[Jan. 21st, 2007|07:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
A nice day, long but nice. worked till about 4pm, came home and made dinner, i started a roast in the crock pot before i left work so the house was full of a wonderful aroma when i came back. mmmmmm. i made a rice and veggie mix to go with it. Today was an easy day. i didn't think too much of You. (which for me is a good thing) lol. i think that i am just eager to get this first meeting out of the way. The first that is in a long time. things haven't really changed much since our last meeting but, i am still nervous. i know You will whip me, and i know it will hurt. It has been a long time since i have had any kind of spank/whip or pain of any kind, i hope i do not cry.
i wake up sometimes and feel that this meeting just will never take place. i guess that is my eagerness of meeting coming through, but, i have been patient for so long now that another little bit really won't hurt. But, i would give anything to spend a nice quiet night with You in a hotel, no phones, no distractions. Just You and i and about 14 hours. hummmmmm
i think both of us are feeling the sexual tension build and build. W/we never did have the chance to go much beyond a blow job or finger sex. my curiosity is killing me. Every time i use to hear Your voice on the phone i could feel myself get wet with excitement. i LOVED it. Don't know what or why i have this bond with You, but, i think i need to find out..lol.
Well, i am otta here for another day. Be well Sir, and know that there is someone thinking of You...
xoxoxo
slvlinda. |
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| work work and more work |
[Jan. 20th, 2007|08:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
Well a dull day. i worked all day then went grocery shopping. i came home chatted with You for a couple min and had a nap. i have no life..lol. Things are pretty boring right now. i keep having these fantasies of when W/we will be together again, what it will be like. i am a little frighten, but in a good way. So much time has passed by since we last saw each other. Will You still find me attractive. Will there still be that spark there that was there 7 months ago? i guess time will tell.
Tonight, i am just going to take it easy, watch some t.v and just chill. See what tomorrow will bring. |
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| What i did todday. |
[Jan. 19th, 2007|11:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
Well its beeen a busy day driving around. i picked up Loni at 3pm to take her to stratford for a docctors apt. With the weather being as bad as it was it took me till 6:30pm to get home..grrrr. We got home and Loni got dressed for work and then it was off to Kitchener for work. i went and visited my sister while she worked, i picked her up at 10:30pm and jut got in now. phewwwwwwwww its been a go go kinda day.
Nothing too exciting went on today. a quiet kinda day in the life of linda..lol
slvlinda. |
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| busy time |
[Jun. 19th, 2006|10:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
i have been so busy the last few days i can hardly stay awake. i guess its good in a way and bad in a way. One good thing is i am not so obsessed with my thoughts always being on You..lol.
Bad thing, i don't feel like i have much time to myself. oh well things will slow down over the next few weeks i am sure. i am looking so forward to moving. i do hope i will see You there sometimes..;) that would be nice. |
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| thoughts |
[Jun. 10th, 2006|03:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
Well, here is some more intimate thoughts, "i" give up. i don't know what You want from me, but i do know that as the days go by i hear from You less and less, i offer to go see You because for once its possible, You don't want that. i have tried, and my atempts are shot down by You, i give up. i know Your busy, and i acept that, but, if You truly cared and wanted this, You would try. This is hard for me to say, and to acept, BUT, i just don't think i am what You want at this time, IF i am then when You slow down, i will still be here, i have no one else i want to be with, i have no desire to serve anyone else. i just don't like this situation i am in right now and realize that only i can change it.
Last night when i msgd You i really needed to talk to You, i got "you woke me up" well, sorry for inconvenincing You, and know that it will not happen again. i have tried, but obviously, i have nothing that You really want. so with that i guess i have to say i won't bother You anymore.
i go with some trepidation, thinking that mabe if i do this or do that............however, reality is i can't do anymore then i am already doing. i really care about You, and really wanted to serve You, but untill You let me...i just don't think i can keep this up.
Take care.
slvlinda
(who just can't deal with rejection) |
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| reflections. |
[Jun. 8th, 2006|07:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
Well, You wanted my intimate thoughts...so here they come..lol or at least i will make the attempt. I am not a person that usually pours out my most intimate thoughts so this may take some time to get use to.
i spent a wonderful short couple hours with You the other night. LOVED being in Your arms again, You awake my body like it has not been awaken in a very long long time. Each time i am with You, i want to be with You again. i desire Your attention and Your time. *sigh* But, with You being so busy, i know its hard for You. I knew it comming into this that Your job is Your Mistress and she is the one that will get that time and attention. With her, i cannot compete..lol. i am a very very sensual, and erotic person, i love being with a man that can touch me in ways that He knows drives me wild. And in turn, i love to do that to Him. So, i sit here, and i want, i yearn. i know that if i am not content, i should just move on, find someone else, but i can't. Your what i want, so that puts me in a catch 22. Damned if i do, and Damned if i don't. Every day that goes by my desire builds and builds. Somedays, i am almost ready to explode. lol. I have the desire to spend more time with You, like a whole night, sleep at Your side, wake up in the morning next to You. Make Your breakfast.
During play You call me Your slut, and i am proud of that...but..the other night. i felt like a slut. i drove for an hour, to spend one hour with You, to get my ass beat, and have a few mind blowing orgasms, then i went on my way. It was fun, it was great, but deep down, i know i want more. i don't want to be sent away after an hour. i want You to make time or find sometime for me. i understand that right now, it cannot happen, but i just want to let You know that in the long run, i want/need more in order to be that slave/slut You want me to be, and, i just hope You are capable of giving it. i guess time will tell.
At the end of the day, when i crawl into my bed, close my eyes, it is You a fantasize about, while i play with myself, and bring myself to orgasm, it is You i desire.
Respectfully
slvlinda (who hopes to be Your slave one day) |
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| one more sleep. |
[Jun. 5th, 2006|07:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | bedroom. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hip hop. | ] |
A wonderful day. Got a lot acomplished at work. After work i spoke to You. And like i promised i will try and make this journal a little more intimate. i was very happy to hear that You wanted to read it. And once again, please feel free to leave feedback in it. i would love to hear what You have to say.
i am very eager and excited about tomorrow. i loved our time spent together last time. Not too much and not too little it was just right. And i know it will be just right again tomorrow. Not only do i enjoy the play time we have together Sir, i am also looking forward to just getting to know You a little bit better, every time i spend time with You, i get a little more insight to You the Dom and You the Man..;) So far, i like both of them very much.
Time for a hot bath, Will think of You..;)
slvlinda
who is sooooo excited about tomorrow. |
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| sick..;( |
[Jun. 3rd, 2006|05:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
Well, today is saturday and i am still sick. i think i must have come into contact with wheat, not sure where yet, but i did. Life is so grand being a Celiac. NOT!!!!
i guess by now You must be in Chicago. *sigh* gosh, do i wish i was with You. i find that i am missing You, wishing i was with You more and more. And when Your not online, i feel Your absence. Like i have said before, You consume me. i think of You always. i fantasize about You. i want You.
Other then being sick and missing You, nothing much else is going on in my life. Which is fine by me.lol. Went into work today for a bit. Now i am home.
Hope Your flight was good, and i hope You have internet in Your room.
xoxox
slvlinda. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 1st, 2006|11:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
Feeling down and blue tonight. Not sure what its all about. Have had very limited contact with You within the last couple days. Don't know You well enough to know what its all about. BUT i do know You well enough to remember those days that You were texting me, and chatting to me on the computer....oh well time will tell i guess. i know You are a busy man, understand that 100 percent. Sometimes i think i maybe just a little too demanding...But i was once told that as a slave i should never feel bad for being too demanding. lol.
i go through days of feeling very confident, and days where i don't, today is a day that i do not have much confidence.. BUT, i still have no desire to look else where.
i guess if i can put up with You being so busy, i hope You can put up with this mood i am in..lol. |
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